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The depraved sexual life I had thrown myself into was another form of self-abuse, worse than the drugs and alcohol.I looked down at the book. It was all now out of me and I felt lighter. It took a half a box of tissues to get cleaned up. The therapist had been crying throughout and had to clean up as well.“I want to see you twice a week if you can. Once a week if you can’t. Every two weeks if you don’t really want to get through this quickly,” she joked at the end. I laughed and it felt good. It felt genuine.We would continue to see each other twice a week for months as I worked through each of those issues, rehashing them over and over sometimes until it no longer bothered me as much.The therapist had recommended a sex therapist as well to treat my issues there. I had, over the years, formed so many unhealthy ideas and it was time to regain my ability to be intimate.I arrived at their office, a space that had a reception area out front, but a couch, chair, and bed, in the back where. A date, finally, a date with Meredith. We had been good friends, as long as I could remember. I had dreamt of this moment for so long, a date, and now that we were finally out of college it’s happening. Maybe it was just wishful thinking on my part, and she could have very well been joking, but to me I internalized it.She left with little word except the standard good-byes. Tomorrow night was going to be my chance. I tried extremely hard to keep my concentration at work, but it was no use. Thoughts of even a goodnight kiss from her were enough to keep my mind off spreadsheets and databases and focused completely on what I was going to do, and what I was going to say.In preparation, I took a shower, shaved any stubble I could locate, and found a nice button-up shirt to wear. I rinsed my mouth out with a minty wash, hoping that at the end of the night I might be able to taste her lips on mine, and I didn’t want her to be disappointed.I’m here. I sent as a text to her when I pulled up.
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